I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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