So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Drunk is not a location!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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