Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
