When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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