Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
