I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
