So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
