shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
