Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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