i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
