I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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