"it" just moved
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...