Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
