Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
