I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
