i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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