We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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