I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
