Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I would fuck him just for his dog
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
