He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
well you can't waste a boner
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
