How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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