I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
