there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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