Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
