I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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