he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He felt like a one man threesome
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
