we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
