I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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