maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
