No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He shit in the fireplace
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