and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
