i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
