Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
