then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
