his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
