My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
