a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
