I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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