fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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