Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
