Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
