It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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