Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
