I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
