I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize