My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
