Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
