So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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