Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
