I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
