well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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