woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
