and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
