Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize