I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
