good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
