there's paper in my vomit.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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