Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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