I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
