Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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