He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
