I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
