i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
