I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
