please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
